I survived menopause 3 times.

3. Mother f—ing times.

If middle school is the pit of hell, then menopause is hell’s front porch –

Due to medical issues, I willingly put myself into menopause during my first year of marriage. Not great timing. Ironically, I did so in order to preserve my fertility which wasn’t that much of an issue considering I was bat shit crazy.

Due to my daughter’s medical issues, I went through menopause a second time. Alongside her. After my own hysterectomy. Riddle me that?

And finally due to nothing more than my age, I did that dance a third time.

Once sucks. Twice is horrible. Third time is…well…over.

Thank heavens.