Here’s to my mom!  And here’s to me!

I daresay that my mom is doing this mom thing a little better than I am at the moment.

I’m a great mom. I fight for my kids. I try to be their loudest and most fervent champion. But sometimes I’m average – at best. Some days simply get the best of me.

Yesterday was that day.

I spent the weekend with my parents, my brother and sister, my husband, my niece and nephew and my own daughter.

I was a good sister. Aunt. Daughter. Wife. But I wasn’t a good mom.

The one thing that I am consistently good at – being a mom – and the one thing I couldn’t find the bandwidth for yesterday was being a mom.

On fucking mother’s day.

Since I don’t have anything nice to say about me and I really am trying to be kind to myself – or at least show myself some grace – I’m going to give my mom a shout out.

She raised 3 kids.

She didn’t always love being thought of as just a mom so she went to great lengths to make sure we saw her as a reader, a traveler, a pot stirrer.

She loves words. She loves books. She loves her dog. And now, in her final chapter, she is mom to my dad who is losing his mind to Dementia and Alzheimer’s. The love of her life is now fully in her care…not unlike we used to be.

And it’s so unbelievably hard.

Never what I would label a “patient” woman, my mom now answers the same question 32 times in the span of 3 minutes. She does it every day. With patience, kindness and a twinkle in her eye. He still makes her laugh. He still makes everyone laugh. But he’s not the man he was. He won’t ever be again.

So, here’s to my mom!

One of the oddest, most complicated, and interesting humans I know. Here’s to her patience. Here’s to her ability to find grace in this new role. The one role she never anticipated or asked for.

And here’s to me! Because while I am not yet in that final chapter, I am in a tricky chapter.

I’m working on my patience. I’m working on my grace. I’m working on being a mom.

Here’s to us all! All of us who have a mom, are a mom, love (or hate) a mom, want to be a mom, know a mom…

Here’s to US!