My Next Great Adventure – I

Chapter 1
Selling Your House – AKA a pain in the ass

Yesterday we had our first day of showings. Letting strangers traipse through my house, critiquing wall color, flooring, windows is akin to my experience of going into premature labor at a teaching hospital. Everyone had to look and everyone had a comment!

There were 10 showings yesterday. I guess that’s good. We left at 9:30 and got home around 6.

There was 8 inches of snow…just commencing its melt…

I had one child leaving her childhood home – forever! That wasn’t emotional at all.

One child who is moving out himself, but not until next weekend so literally everything he owns is stacked “neatly” in bins in the garage. He’s sleeping terribly comfortably on his childhood bed surrounded by his little league trophies. Also, not emotional at all.

A husband who hates this step in the process, and I’m the lucky one who gets to spend the day with him. And…3 large dogs. Dogs that never leave the house kind of dogs. Dogs that don’t go to the dog park, or any park for that matter. Dogs that stay at home. All the time.

The kids go in different directions. I’m left with Grumpy and the dogs.

We had breakfast – in the car with the dogs who are now visibly distressed. Hiked at a state park. Played in the snow. Might have created a heart/breathing/muscular issue in the heavyset lab. He’s not a runner. He ran in the snow. I’m sure there’s a significant vet bill in our near future. We drove. For hours. We stopped for a beer. Then 3. We went for another walk at the park. We drove. We drank another beer at another bar. Ate pizza. Had to work on not getting drunk as the dogs were in the car.

It was a day.

And then we were debriefed on the day.

Sidebar – we live in a booming real estate market. A seller’s market. And the thing is when you live in a seller’s market, there’s this new unforeseen pressure of selling within hours! Hours. And with a bidding war. If that doesn’t happen, well…clearly, the house is inhabitable.

We had no offers.

But we did have lots of comments. Bless it.

While I mire in the fact that I am the only person in my neighborhood that has had a house listed for more than 24 hours and have to let that particular humiliation set in, I have some comments of my own:

  1. When you go to look at a person’s home. The place where that family raised children, celebrated graduations, Christmas…you know, lived…please don’t let your children run amuck! Random buttons are not for pushing. Here’s an idea – hire a sitter and process what might be the largest purchase of your life with adults.
  2. If you don’t want a pool, don’t look at a house with an in-ground pool. You can’t miss it. It’s the big hole in my backyard. It made it on the listing sheet. That wasn’t a trick. It’s big and wet and you know, dug into the ground.
  3. Speaking of listing sheets…they have a lot of pertinent information. If you must find a house with no stairs, you can probably decipher that from the information provided about the “floors”.
  4. The price is actually the price.
  5. If you require looking at only homes that have taken down all clues that actual real life humans live here – then please move along. I have photos on my walls because it’s my house and people live here. And, while I am being open, we also wear shoes that we take off, we own coats and Christmas decorations and cleaning supplies….should you wander into the attic or the garage or even say, the entry hall, you might stumble upon one of those things. It’s a house for humans.
  6. Dogs live here as well. And when dogs pee on snow it turns yellow. There is nothing I can do other than let them pee inside and that would be as disturbing as seeing our toothbrushes in the bathroom. And, I took great pains to move all signs of human bathroom regiments before I left, so dogs peeing in the house would be a no go as well.

What I really want people to know is that I love my house.

It has issues. It could use some love, but it’s my home and I’m considering selling it to another person and that is as easy for me as having interns look up my pregnant whoha. Please be kind.

I have lived for 15 years in my very own Mayberry. I love it here. I do. In fact, I love it so much that I’m not even going to try and replicate a “neighborhood” in our next place…because I’ve already lived in the best one for me.

Selling is hard. And emotional. And not for the faint of heart.

Stay tuned. Can’t go buy until we sell…

And this, friends, is just chapter 1.